First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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