i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
