4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
