help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
