why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
