You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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