ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
