Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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