Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
