Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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