Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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