i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
