i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
