He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
