im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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