Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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