don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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