party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
