The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You dont lie about slip and slides
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
