I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
