Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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