Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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