I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
