how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
