My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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