Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
