she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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