Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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