apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
