I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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