too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
