Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
