what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
