that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
