for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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