i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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