Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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