the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
