Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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