i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
