How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
