I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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