If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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