I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
