Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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