Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
