So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
