I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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