Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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