PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
