He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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