New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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