You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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