i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
