i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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