went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
