would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
