I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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