Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.