You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.