Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
