I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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