I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
