woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
