I just threw up on my dentist
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
