He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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