Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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