Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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