Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
