R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
