It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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