i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He kissed a someone with a penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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