Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
