Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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