I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
