btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
