If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
