ya dads aren't the best wingmen
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
