Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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