The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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