Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
from now on my penis is your penis
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize