I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
